I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
