i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
