dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin