I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to make out with him forever
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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