mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
