I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.