remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?