Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
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By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.