dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize