people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
