Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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