Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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