I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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