If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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