I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Of course I have a pirate flag
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
