Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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