You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
