Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
