Sry I called you an 8
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
FUCK WHALES
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
