how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
