Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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