Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
