Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room