I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
