I got chris browned last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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