so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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