I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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