His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
