You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
