I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
