I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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