I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
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he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need water and some morals
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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