You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
