I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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