Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
