He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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