so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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