I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
