Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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