A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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