I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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