My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
