He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
