How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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