I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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