My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
