I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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