she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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