ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
