I wish I could punch you in the face.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
