you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
