you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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