So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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