im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
