Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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