i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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