Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
