New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
