I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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