he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
